Dear Peachtree

Dear Peachtree,

We had fun the other day, didn't we?  Granted, it wasn't my best showing, but hey-that's probably what you get when you don't train for a 10k, and instead decide to run the day before it happens.  Also known as, "overestimating your athletic capabilities."

I was rash, and decided earlier in the week that I wanted to subject myself to the torture run the race.  Fortunately, and only hypothetically, of course, a sweet friend had an extra race number, and allowed me to take it off her hands.

For the record, you knew me the other day as Melissa.

Again, only hypothetically.

You know what I love about you, Peachtree?  The fact that for SIX SOLID MILES I had to bob and weave my way through the other 60,000 crazy people that thought it would be a good idea to NOT sleep in and instead run for an hour in the Georgia heat.  Delightful.

I also really enjoyed how, about mile 4, I started to feel minor symptoms of what was probably a heat stroke coming on, which sent me desperately (and vainly) in search of some Gatorade. Let me just tell you, I seriously would've paid $100 for a bottle of Gatorade, or just ANY primary colored liquid masquerading as a sports drink, at that point.

On the other hand, the beer that got sprayed in my face by some random nut job kind spectator was totally refreshing. Or NOT.

But, we did it, didn't we?  And by "we," I actually mean "me," because clearly you did nothing except make me almost die out there, while having only some Justin Bieber to get me through.

NO. SHAME.

Your friend,
Sherri "Why Did I Do This Again?" Dickens

I mean, Melissa.

...These Streets Will Make You Feel Brand-New (Or Else They'll Give You 37 Blisters On Your Feet)

Now that it's been over a month since our trip to NYC, I think I'll blog about it.

Why now, you ask?

Why not?

Let me start by saying, I love New York.  Seriously.  It's probably one of my very favorite places to visit.  But, I'm always ready to come home.  As much as I love it, I really don't understand a city that a) never sleeps, b) doesn't have sweet tea.  Anywhere.  Believe me, I tried. And c) looks at you as if you're clinically insane when you say "hi" to a stranger on the sidewalk.

Wanna immediately get pegged as a tourist?  Say "hey, how are ya?" when you accidentally make eye contact with a random stranger.  Actually, just make eye contact with a random stranger, and that's probably enough, in and of itself.

Wearing jeans AND tennis shoes at the same time? Dead giveaway. Accidentally saying "y'all" to somebody?  It's all over.  You might as well strap on a fanny pack.

Y'all.


I actually had the following conversation with a (very hipster-ish) sales guy in a store:


Hipster Sales Guy:  So, where are you from?


Me:  How do you know I'm not from here?


Hipster Guy (snorting):  Honey?  You're wearing jeans and tennis shoes.  And you just said y'all.  Soooo, I'm gonna go with the south.


Me:  Not just the south.....the BEST southern state.  


(Not trying to get all feisty, just gotta throw out some Georgia pride.)


Hipster Guy:  Texas?


Me:  WHAT?!  No.  They're way too big for their britches over in Texas.


Hipster Guy:  Um, yeah.  You definitely just said "britches."


(Dear Texas, I actually love you. Don't hate me. I was just teasin' y'all.  Ha!)

Smoochin' in Times Square.
(Apparently I now feel the need to talk as southern as I possibly can.)

There's nothing like embarrassing yourself in the middle of Times Square, just for the joy it'll bring your child later.
And no, Starbucks didn't pay me for that product placement.
Actually, I paid them. So......

Family fun, looking NOT AT ALL touristy.

Yep. Out of the entire store, we ended up with the same two items.

I seem to have permanently attached a Starbucks cup to my hand.
No shame.

Our tour of NBC studios, during which we spotted Usher, and almost got kicked out of the building.

So, you may notice that I have changed races just a bit of a tan in some of these.
I'll just say this: it's usually not a good thing when, at the end of a spray tan appointment, your technician says "uh-oh."  

Again, just trying to impress a certain 2 year-old.
I didn't tell her that Elmo made us pay him $2, and smelled like urine.

Okay, I really DID try to wear cute shoes during the day.
But on day 4 of band-aiding my feet constantly, I just gave up.

Walking across the Brooklyn Bridge to have pizza in Brooklyn.  

Squeeze pic!

The unbelievable Manhattan skyline

Clearly, Jamey has a bit of a shopping problem.  
He made us hold his bags all day....what a diva.

Aw, brothers and sisters.
And I'm totally jealous of Sara's ability to rock a hat like that.

Our last night, at Carnegie Hall for the Nashville Symphony's performance.
I wish I could say I had a blast, but at that point, I had come down with some kind of funk that made me lose my voice and cough like a maniac constantly.

(Which is SUPER fun when you're at the symphony and you're supposed to be quiet.  Luckily, I had some water and M&M's in my purse.)

(Yes, M&M's are obviously the cure for a raging cough.)

It was an incredible trip, and we loved every minute!  Even if I did have to tape our HGTV reveal the day after we got home, while sounding like "4 packs a day Gladys".

Totally worth it.

I Survived

Well, I officially survived Disney.  You all know I was a little bit worried, but we actually had a GREAT time.  (Which is largely due to my friend Anna, who, after reading the blog, facebook messaged me with a TON of great Disney survival tips.  Thank you, Anna! We basically did everything you suggested and it was awesome!)

We stayed at a condo property in Orlando, which fortunately had a pool and a playground to keep mommy AG from going insane getting bored while John worked.

Incidentally, playgrounds aren't so good for potty-training. (I believe the word you're looking for is "duh.")  Of the two times we went to play, AG pooped in her underwear, um, let's see....BOTH TIMES.

Poop-2, AG's Pants-0.

After that, we pretty much avoided the playground at all costs.

Allow me to share a few other lessons I learned at Disney:

1.  Two and a half may be just a tad too young for the Princess Tea Party.  Either that, or she just hates princesses.  Thirty-one, on the other hand, is the perfect age.

Clearly, there aren't enough opportunities in life to wear a tiara, am I right?

2.  Apparently, dads don't usually attend the Princess Tea Party with their daughters.  As John discovered upon being the only male in the entire room full of princesses, pink, and tiny little tea cups.

He totally owned it though.  I may have even caught Sleeping Beauty flirting with him.....sending me in search of the nearest spinning wheel.

(Okay, I'm out for that.)

3.  Dads with strollers are a little bit scary.  It's like the Indy 500 or something, especially when they're jockeying for position at a popular ride.  Excuse me, husband?  Do you see me literally jogging to keep up with you?  Simmer down, now!

4.  If you wear an inappropriately warm shirt to the Magic Kingdom, you may just find yourself purchasing a Cinderella tank top from a random gift shop.  If Cinderella went goth and started wearing studs, that is.  It is very likely the ugliest shirt I've ever laid eyes on, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

And $34 goth princess tank tops.

5.  It is TOTALLY worth it to push through your toddler's nap time so she can see the Main Street parade at 3pm.

(Just remind yourself of that later, when she's sobbing hysterically because her grapes accidentally touched her grilled cheese sandwich.  Or something hugely upsetting like that.)

I'd do it again in a heartbeat for another smile like this.

Here are a few other photos from the trip.....

That crazy Minnie, always trying to jump into every photo.

To infinity and beyond......

John actually tried to make me go do the Macarena with all those crazy people down front.  He claimed it would be fun for Ally Grace.  I am pretty sure he meant it would be fun for him to watch me humiliate myself.

Um, I'm good.  But thanks.

A little venture out to MY happy place.

John REALLY wanted to wear a fanny pack, but I convinced him just to carry AG's backpack instead.
Which is obviously far less embarrassing.
(I also may or may not have promised to NOT put this picture on the blog.  Oops.)

Date Night!  This was approximately five seconds before the humidity killed my hair, thus prompting me to wear it in a ponytail for the remainder of the trip.
Florida humidity=no joke

Ally Grace meeting two of her favorite "people" in the world.
We are just a tiny bit obsessed with Toy Story these days.

(And AG likes it a lot too.)

After all that chaos fun, I am SO. GLAD. to be home.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go take a baseball bat to my computer, Office Space-style, as it's now taken me THREE HOURS and SIX COMPUTER SHUT-DOWNS to get this blog written.

I'd almost rather take my chances at the playground.

We're here!

Yep. We made it to Orlando. I probably shouldn't have told AG that we were going to Disney just yet though, since she keeps thinking we're there already. She's constantly shouting "We're at Disney, mommy!".....Like when we were at the airport....when we got on the plane....when we picked up our bags at baggage claim....you get the idea.

As you can see, Minnie INSISTED on coming. Such a diva, right?

And in case you were wondering, toddlers and Xanax aren't the best combination. But I'm assuming neither are toddlers and panic attacks, so......

(And clearly I didn't give AG any Xanax. But I'm not gonna lie and say mommy didn't have any!)

Disclaimer and Disney

I'd like to post a disclaimer about the post I wrote yesterday......Ally Grace is actually doing pretty well with this whole potty-training business, and there is a slight to very strong chance that I have a tendency to be just the tiniest bit dramatic.

Don't act like you're surprised.

In all fairness, at this point, any accidents she's having are pretty much our fault, as we seem to have something against staying at home.  As evidenced by the fact that we've been constantly on the go for the last week.   It hasn't been the best time in our lives to do a potty-training lock-in, so we're just trying to roll with it and do the best we can.

(In all seriousness though, if you have some wisdom, tips, or a free pony you would like to allow us to use as a potty-training bribe, I'd love to hear about it.)

In other news, we're taking Ally Grace to Disney World!  Also known as, Sherri's Idea of Torture, and Hey, Didn't I Vow NOT to Do This Until She Was Old Enough Drive Herself To Orlando?

John has to be in Orlando for work, so free hotel = great time to visit the happiest place on earth.

(Which is obviously the lululemon outlet, but I guess we'll try to hit the Magic Kingdom too.)

So far, we've made a few key errors in our planning:

Error #1:  It's June. Kids are OUT OF SCHOOL.  Where do you think all those kids are gonna want to go?

Probably not the lulu outlet.

Error #2:  Last week, I thought to myself, aw, wouldn't it be so cute to take AG to that princess tea party thing in Cinderella's castle?  Allow me to consult the Internet, because I'm sure I should get a reservation ahead of time.

Why yes, I should have.  SIX MONTHS AGO.

Now we're basically spending her college fund to go have tea with the Disney princesses at the Grand Floridian.

Because who needs a college degree, when you can have a commemorative picture with Cinderella instead?
(I'm totally kidding. No college funds were harmed during the scheduling of this trip. But it was close.)

Error #3:  We don't really have a plan.

Which is where you come in.  I need advice!  I'm feeling overwhelmed, and I would love any tips on fun things to do at Disney, or just in Orlando in general.  There will be several days where John has to work, so I'd love to take AG to do some fun mommy-daughter outings.

(Besides the lulu outlet, which is clearly our first stop.)

So, advice please.  What are the fun rides?  What are the rides that will make me want to poke my eyes out?  Are there any Disney "party fouls" that you made, and which you would nicely like to help us avoid?
Did any of the Disney characters freak your kids out? More importantly, did any of the Disney characters freak YOU out?

And finally, Error #4:  Do you know why all the books tell you to stay home when you're potty training?  Because of people like us, who think it's a good idea to take their semi-potty trained child to Disney.

In other words, crazy people.

I'm sure our fellow park-goers will appreciate us.

Dear Potty Wizards

Dear Authors of Books that Assure You Your Child Can Be Completely Potty Trained in Three Days or Some Even More Ridiculous Time Frame,

You lie.

Listen.  We did the whole deal.  I let AG go cold turkey wearing underwear (which, incidentally, she enjoyed showing off to everyone from our builder, to the painters, to the mailman. Nice. Now we need to find some books on modesty.)  Every time she started to have an accident, I grabbed her and ran screaming down the hall to the potty, ALL WHILE BEING PEED ON.  Repeatedly.

I reminded her every five minutes, "Make sure you tell Mommy if you need to go potty."

And, "Remember to keep your underwear dry."

(I may or may not have reminded John to keep his underwear dry a time or two last week, just out of habit.)

(Ally Grace may or may not have started shooting me exasperated, "I WILL's" while rolling her eyes at me. #teenageyearsshouldbefun)


So, dear potty-training wizards, there is obviously some secret you're not telling me.  Did you promise your child a pony if they stopped peeing in their diaper?

(I mean, no judgement if you did, I personally think a pony would be pretty motivating.  And certainly better than the M&M's that we've been offering.)

Fill me in on your magic.  And side note to the husband, I deserve a medal.  Filled with chocolate, preferably.  Or a spa day.

Sincerely,

The tired mama who feels like she has lived on the bathroom floor for the last week, where she has been reading "Five Little Monkeys" NO LESS THAN 100 times a day, all while trying to convince a certain someone that it's WAY COOLER to poop in the potty than in your pants.  

And no, that certain someone wasn't John.

Make sure you tell mommy if you need to go potty.

Potty Time

First of all, yes.  I'm still here.  It's been a crazy month of traveling, wrapping up the HGTV project, and now our latest adventure:  potty training.

I know I asked for potty tips forever ago, but I tend to employ a little technique called procrastination.  As in, Hmmmm.  Maybe if I wait long enough, AG will just potty train herself!

(Because THAT method has worked for thousands of years.  Or not.)

Anyway, I found my motivation to move forward with the process last week, when I picked her up from preschool.  Here's what went down:

AG's Teacher:  Sherri, as you know Ally Grace is moving up next week to the Trailblazers class!

Me: Oh great! Well I know she'll miss this class and her wonderful teachers!
(Yep. Totally sucking up.  Couldn't help myself.)

AG's Teacher:  In that class, all of the kids are potty trained, so AG will need to be trained by next Tuesday.

Me:  Say what now?

So.  In order to move up, she has to wear underwear.  ALL DAY.  Yikes.  Today, we have literally been inside, near the toilet all day.  I've actually rushed her to the potty while she was literally peeing on. my. arm.

Not my best day, people.

PLEASE tell me this is worth it.  Because right now, I am feeling that I would be totally happy changing her diapers until she's in middle school.

I promise to have a more fun blog up soon, involving something interesting.

Well, let's be honest.  It may not be interesting, but at least it'll be new.  And we'll call that a win.