Friday, April 1, 2011

Let's Get Physical....

( the 80's jazzercise way, and not the creeper-ish way I just realized that sounded.) 

Anyway, earlier this week, I had to go to the doctor and get an actual physical.  My first physical since, oh, my pee-wee cheerleading days. 

(And if you don't know what pee-wee cheerleading is, then I feel sad for you.)

Prior to my appointment, I get a phone call from the doctor's office, that goes a little something like this:

Nurse:  You have to fast from midnight until your appointment time, so we can draw blood.
Me:  And by "fast" you mean, I can have some crackers and maybe a bowl of cereal, right? 

Nurse:  Um no.  You cannot have anything to eat. ANYTHING.
Me:  What about my coffee? 

Nurse:  Sure, you can have coffee.....
Me:  Oh good, because I'm seriously addicted and can't live without it--

Nurse: long as it's black. 
Me:  BLACK COFFEE???  Are you serious!?  WHY would I do that to myself?  Why do you hate me?!?!?!


I arrived at 9:30 with my coffee all made up just the way I like it (or as John says, tasting like a donut), ready to down it, as soon as my bloodwork is over.  I asked the nurse if I could even start chugging while she was taking my blood. 

Nurse's response?  "Girl, that is so SAD." 

No shame here.  At least I'm not addicted to something REALLY bad.  Like reality tv. 

Oh wait.

Anyway, the doctor was great, and everything went well....until he looked in my left ear.  After which he told me that my ear is about 80% blocked with earwax. 

(So THAT must be why I can't hear John when he tells me not to go to Target.  Hmmmmmm......)

I tell the doctor that can't be possible, b/c I use q-tips to clean out my ears every single day.  I am clearly the very picture of perfect ear health.

Well, according to the doctor, q-tips are the devil, b/c they just shove the wax all the way down into your ear canal, permanently blocking things. 

(What's that?  You're gagging on your computer, while being appalled at my oversharing abilities?  Clearly you're new around here.)

The doctor is all, no worries....Nurse Renee here will be your ENT for the day--she'll get it out for you. 

The look on Nurse Renee's face may or may not have been slightly less than thrilled. 

I'll spare you the details of what happened next, because I'm sweet like that.  I DID sneak over to the trashcan after Nurse Renee left, to see if I could snap a photo of my ear trophy for John's viewing enjoyment. 

Or, for the blog's viewing enjoyment......

JUST KIDDING...people, I do have SOME boundaries.  Boundaries that include not digging into a medical waste bin. 

Which is really saying something.


Jen Watts said...

Oh my gosh I am literally lol-ing!! Since you "overshared" I'll add my 2 cents.. Yesterday a large chunk of earwax randomly fell out of my ear..(we're talking roughly the size of a dime here) and I proudly showed it to the hubby- he was not impressed and told me I clearly needed to be introduced to mr qtip- to which I replied sweetly that my ent doc always told me never to stick anything smaller than my elbow in my ear ;)

Melanie said...



I am snorting from laughing so hard!!! You are a trip. I was "amen'in" you on the coffee, btw.... and reality tv ;)

Glad to "hear" everything went well!

Smith Family said...

HaHaHaHa!!!! Hilarious.