Wednesday, April 24, 2013

The Fashion Wars

The other day, I asked Ally Grace if she knows what I do for work.

(And NO, she did NOT say, "watch Downton Abbey and eat mint M&M's like it's your job.")

(Although I'm pretty sure I'd kill at that.)

To answer my question, she very sweetly and adorably says, "Mommy, you help people figure out what to wear with their shirts." And I was all, well, actually....yes. You're right. And then, in a clever attempt at early brainwashing, I said, "see, mommy knows what she's talking about.....I will always dress you cute, so you will NEVER want to argue with me about your outfits."  Right? RIGHT?!?!


Cut to the other morning, when I am trying to shove her leg into a (fantastic) pair of cherry red skinny jeans. Paired with a gray, yellow, and red floral top, this outfit is so cute, that I may or may not have tried to shove my own leg into those jeans first.  Just in case.

(Which, um, NO.)

This moment kicked off Fashion War #1:

Me:  AG, let's put on your jeans (while grabbing jeans and a shirt out of her closet at the speed of light, because, did I mention that we're very late for school?).

AG:  EWWWWWWWWWWW!  Mommy, NOOOOOOOOO!  There's YELLOW on that shirt!!!!!!
(Spoken as if "yellow" is synonymous for "poo poo.")

Me:  But the yellow is so pretty!  Look, my shirt is yellow!  Don't you like my shirt?!

AG:  NO.

Me:  (Thinking fast) Um......but I hear Jackson downstairs, and he's saying "Ally Grace, I love your shirt!  Wear it down here so I can see it!"

Because dogs definitely always talk when their owners are having power struggles with their 3 year old. Clearly.

AG: (With a look of disbelief, accompanied by what may or may not have been an eye roll)  Jackson!  MY shirt is ugly, Jackson!  I HATE THIS OUTFIT, JACKSON!!!

Me:  Mama might need a drink now, Jackson.

Fashion War #2:
Recently, John got to "take clients" to the Masters "for work."  Also, yes.  I totally used air quotes every time he referred to this as "work." I'm sure he found it adorable.

Anyway, he brought home a little pink polo with the Masters logo on it for AG.  And it was as if he had given her an lifetime supply of fruit snacks, popsicles, and flashlights, all rolled up into a polo shirt.  Saying she's kind of obsessed, is like saying that the Real Housewives kind of disagree sometimes.

She wants to wear it EVERYWHERE.  And she has, um, some interesting ideas about what to wear with it.

Paired with a leopard print belt, purple sneakers, and the toddler mullet?
Bold choice, AG. Bold choice.

Fashion War #3:

All I can say about this one, is this: there was a winner.  And there was a loser.  I'll let you guess which title I claimed.
We managed to incorporate PJ's, high-waters, AND purple sneaks for a daytime playdate.   
In other words, a perfect trifecta of fashion "don'ts."

So, mothers of daughters, is this what I have to look forward to?  Years of arguing about clothes?

Excuse me, Jackson?.  I'm gonna need that drink now.