Pregnancy Journal…The End Is Near.

Wow, that sounded rash and dramatic, and totally unlike me, didn't it?

(Stop laughing.  Rude.)

I've officially made it into my 39th week, and since I can't be trusted to keep weekly pregnancy journals, let's do another little wrap up so I can accurately remember this hell and never do it again record all the joys of the dreaded third trimester.

The Third Trimester.  (a.k.a. When the *** hits the fan).

Holy Belly, Batman.
Okay, that was weird and I'm sorry.

Weight Gained:

Bahahahaha, like I'm gonna put that out on the INTERNET.  Be for real.  No. Let's all pretend it's a modest 15-20lb weight gain that will have me back in my pre pregnancy jeans in 2 weeks.


Cravings:

Anything chocolate, anything carb-ish, anything remotely bad for you.  My non-cravings on the other hand are lean proteins and veggies.

Symptoms:

Mostly the kind that would fall under the category of "oversharing."  Additionally, my heartburn has kicked itself up a notch, and it feels like there is an evil rubber band made out of hot lava constantly constricting my ribs.

Or something like that.

Fave Pregnancy Moments:

Let's see……how about the one where I started sobbing at the end of the last Twilight movie? But you know, the quiet kind of sobbing where you're hiding your face so your husband doesn't laugh at you or rudely call you out.  Except that he knows you so well, that he immediately knows you're crying and then rudely calls you out.

No?

Or maybe it was the one where I was forced to choose between tying my shoes and crushing my baby in utero.

Not that one, either?

Hmmmmm……wait, it was definitely this moment:

That actually WAS pretty fun, now that I think about it.  

How I've Been Spending My Time Lately: 

In no particular order:

Eating.  Chewing Tums.  Complaining. (That was John. Punk.)  Trying to jump, skip, or squat the baby out of me in any of my favorite places…i.e. Anthropologie, Starbucks, or Nordstrom.  Clearly, they would offer me a lifetime supply of clothes/coffee/general awesomeness for that. 

Clearly.  

Finding out that I'm actually having a baby with Vanilla Ice.

I literally can't. even.

Spending as much time with this girl as possible:

I adore her in the biggest way.

I think that pretty much sums up the third trimester in it's entirety.  I've got my hospital bag packed and ready to go, like a good little pregnant mama, so we'll see when this kid decides to make his debut.

(Which if I can make a request will be before my due date, but after I get my highlights on Thursday.  Just keeping it real.)

Until then, I'll just be skipping some laps around Starbucks.