Dear Potty Wizards

Dear Authors of Books that Assure You Your Child Can Be Completely Potty Trained in Three Days or Some Even More Ridiculous Time Frame,

You lie.

Listen.  We did the whole deal.  I let AG go cold turkey wearing underwear (which, incidentally, she enjoyed showing off to everyone from our builder, to the painters, to the mailman. Nice. Now we need to find some books on modesty.)  Every time she started to have an accident, I grabbed her and ran screaming down the hall to the potty, ALL WHILE BEING PEED ON.  Repeatedly.

I reminded her every five minutes, "Make sure you tell Mommy if you need to go potty."

And, "Remember to keep your underwear dry."

(I may or may not have reminded John to keep his underwear dry a time or two last week, just out of habit.)

(Ally Grace may or may not have started shooting me exasperated, "I WILL's" while rolling her eyes at me. #teenageyearsshouldbefun)


So, dear potty-training wizards, there is obviously some secret you're not telling me.  Did you promise your child a pony if they stopped peeing in their diaper?

(I mean, no judgement if you did, I personally think a pony would be pretty motivating.  And certainly better than the M&M's that we've been offering.)

Fill me in on your magic.  And side note to the husband, I deserve a medal.  Filled with chocolate, preferably.  Or a spa day.

Sincerely,

The tired mama who feels like she has lived on the bathroom floor for the last week, where she has been reading "Five Little Monkeys" NO LESS THAN 100 times a day, all while trying to convince a certain someone that it's WAY COOLER to poop in the potty than in your pants.  

And no, that certain someone wasn't John.

Make sure you tell mommy if you need to go potty.